guillotine vogue @[email protected]

gotta draw
gotta play finfan
gotta do a ton of stuff
but I just wanna keep writing plasma cutter

hhhhhhhhhhh

just realized if I used one for the cd art and one for a vinyl version (if I could afford a vinyl press lolll) I could get a red/orange haze like the copy of burned alive by time by evergreen terrace I have and OH GOSH it'd look fuckin GOOD

I think about the spaghetti ghost from buzzfeed unsolved constantly, I want that to be me when I die

also yea, this is why I've been like "anime parody would look cool"

design ideas:

had an idea for what I could use as the back case art for the track listing for the second plasma cutter album but then I was like "oh no this would work well for the front cover shit"

original cover vs the thing I just did:

me doing that and superdry just throwing Japanese on their shirts just because. I don't wanna do senseless dipshit hypebeast appropriation but I wonder if there's really that much of a difference between me wanting to design something that looks like an anime and some dumb supreme shirt or whatever

been thinking about it it's appropriate to use Japanese as a throwback/parody of anime, the next plasma cutter album I'm working on is meant to have really heavy Seeing Your Favorite Anime For The First Time During A Hazy Summer Vacation Evening Vibe, so I think it'd be fun to do art that's like a homage to that vibe, like a poster that looks like promotion for a new anime and to really nail the vibe I'd prefer to do the logo in Japanese but idk if there's really a difference between like

big plumeria hours

@torideer hi ilu I literally don't know what to say tbh

I can't keep fucking doing this

I fucking hope to god when the plasma cutter album drops people are into it and buy it, things just keep coming up and everyone in my house is so financially fucked over, feros is selling his suit and I'm furious I can't do anything to help him not have to. I'm so sick of living like this, I know I'll never live in a cool house or have a cool car I don't even care about that I just want to fucking have even just a year where I don't worry about this shit

lmao our car insurance changed our payment date to the 13th instead of the 15th like it usually is for some completely unknown reason aka the day before I get paid instead of the day after and I refuse to take any more commissions or donations, I'm so fucking fed up with this completely outrageous series of unfortunate financial events. capitalism is gonna turn me into a fucking serial killer lol

sorry this is so long and such a like, really personal not good time vent but yeah, it feels like my brain is sabotaging my life at every opportunity and god I'm so tired of it

I spend so much time thinking about this shit and wondering if there's actually something wrong with me or if I'm just trying to use mental health as an excuse, if I really actually could just I don't know, do some fuckin daily affirmation or meditation or, fuck idk something to change how I am or if I have idk, some kind of chemical imbalance or??? I don't know??

I feel dysfunctional and not neurotypical as hell and I just want to know what the fuck is up

I struggle to focus on commission work, I struggle with maintaining communication in what should be the most important relationships in my life, most of the time I can't even tell how much fucking time I waste being so goddamn awful at everything, it just feels like fuck, something is off and it's bad enough that I can't just write it off that I'm just forgetful or an asshole????

I go MONTHS at a time without talking to my dad, I only stay in contact with my mom because she reaches out to me and it doesn't even feel like I'm going that long without talking to them, I could have way better communication with my partner but it feels like I'm just inherently absentminded more than the average person should be and god all of this causes me so much grief in my life

severe hyperfocus issues, like the tire from someone driving ahead of me today while I was borrowing my partner's car kicked a pebble back at me and put a small chip in the windshield, I came home and hyperfocused on having a tonsil stone like I forgot everything else, accidentally swallowed some listerine that felt like it had peroxide in it while trying to deal with that then just like, completely forgot that MY PARTNER'S WINDSHIELD WAS DAMAGED FOR AN HOUR

but like on top of that I hate the idea of self diagnosis because it always feels like I'm making excuses for shit I should be able to correct but it feels like I have ADHD and I don't know what but sOMETHING else like??

I have no time comprehension and I don't mean that as a hyperbolic shitpost I literally don't have good time comprehension, a few weeks feels like just a few days to me

I have periods where I can't focus and periods where I have like

not really sure how to write this like I don't want it to come off like I don't take this seriously but uh yeah idk here goes

is there a way to find out if you're on the autism spectrum or like have some kind of neuro disorder or whatever without healthcare bc whew I just like.

idk I don't feel like I'm right and I just want to know what it is. there's all the usual depression, anxiety, suicidal ideation (never anything more than ideation tho don't worry) ctd>

Anyway here's the shitposts I'm sorry sorrel