Asset 2 Follow

Every time I read a "Men are trash" post on metafilter I never get the sense that I'm growing in a right direction or learning something new, I just feel like I shouldn't exist

of course I could never say this in the comments. all you can really do that's acceptable is say "yes I'm fucking garbage"

Metafilter posts on this made me really aware of privelage, effects of the patriarchy, and in that way I really grew. but after a point it just felt like people were "woke posting" and piling on white male guilt for internet points and it felt unhealthy and unwelcoming

I don't think there's a healthy way to express this other than to say I felt really unwelcome, I felt like expressing this would lead to getting alienated and "cancelled", so I just left and deleted my account. I still read it but, uh, that's probably still unhealthy

@hellojed I'm not a huge fan of the "all men are trash" thing either

Yes, an overwhelming majority of the bullshit we deal with comes from white men being oblivious at best and exploitive at worst

But

Declaring the entire male side of things to be irredeemable is... not how this gets better.

@rey @hellojed The more I think about it, the more I suspect that "all men are trash" takes contributed substantially to how long it took for me to come out to myself. So... Yeah. Agreed on all of your points, both of you. 👍

@LexYeen @rey @hellojed yeah. I mean yeah venting is good but at some point allies are also good. And since I grew up as The Bad Guy ethnicity I seriously dislike being The Bad Guy Gender and especially since I pass as white, Your Ethnicity Owns Everything. I frequently feel like I’m the villain simply by showing up. I can’t imagine *actual* white guys being happier with this stuff.

@hellojed If the original post is formulated like that, then anything except "I agree 100%" always directly attacks the original post's message, so there's not really anything you can respond to them

@Gargron @hellojed my advice is to recognize it as a cry for help and act accordingly

@hellojed It’s just… a taste of what some people feel everyday

@hellojed I feel this wrt to being white. And you're actually not one of them though. But that doesn't make the articles wrong, you just have to accept that it's not for you specifically even if it is for a group that you're relegated to. The author is usually upset, so I try to keep emotional distance. And keep on trying to be a good ally. I think this kind of reassurance has to be fairly internal. The people under fire haven't given this a fraction of the thought you have.

@Cyannin yeah. I think it's hard for me to have that internal reassurance because trying to be "one of the good ones" is also co-opted by shitty men, and wanting validation for that is also a source of derision (I think the attitude I've seen is like "oh you're an ally huh what do you want a cookie?")

I know on some level the essays that I'm referring to are not about me, but like there's still this guilt by association or w/e

@hellojed I get that, I think this has a lot of parallels with being white, or abled, etc. I mentioned that it has to be internal because you're right, seeking validation isn't cool. And that's tough! It doesn't feel great.
I have definitely had accusations of white guilt lobbed at me and I honestly don't get why it's derisive? As long as I'm not weaponizing it or letting it damage me, it just feels like sensitivity.

@hellojed It's just tiring. That mindset set me so far back on coming out to myself. Plus most of the people who write articles like that are TERF's anyways.

Sign in to participate in the conversation
snouts dot online

snouts.online is a friendly, furry-oriented, lgbtq+, generally leftist, 18+ sex-positive community that runs on mastodon, the open-source social network technology. you don't need a snout to join, but it's recommended!

more about this instance